If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
