@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize