Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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