The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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