your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
