I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
That accounts for only three of the penises
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
