My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
