i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
