i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
