tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
