Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
