Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
