I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
