Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
