I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
