we're blogging at a bar
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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