it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
