Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
