why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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