i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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