Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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