They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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