doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
whose parrot is this?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
