i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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