im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
