he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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