Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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