just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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