I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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