he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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