the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
