I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
40s are totally the cure
Sorry about my life...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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