Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
