How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
