I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
