If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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