Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
