you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
