You're so nebulous sometimes
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The ass gains better be worth it
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