you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
