woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
