ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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