Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I deserve this hangover.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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