Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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