She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
