The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
