I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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