Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
