hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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