It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
