You really coming over, don't trick.
I cannot find my penis.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
