I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just had sex on a roof
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
