My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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