Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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