I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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