I want to have your abortion
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
